Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
