fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
