DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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