Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
