She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
