my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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