I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
