a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
