Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
tell me about the fingering
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
