life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
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