oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
