I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
