I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
everyone is single if you try hard enough
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
