What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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