After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I enjoy the company of your penis
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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