My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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