I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
