How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
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