Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
my nose is crying tears of wow.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
