went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Randomize
