I didn't shave. On purpose
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize