what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize