She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize