Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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