you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
