I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Randomize