I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
