I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
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