like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
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