Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
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