He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
We left an ass print on the piano.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
How external is "for external use only"?
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
