I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Randomize
