you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
