bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
