There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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