Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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