I got chris browned last night
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
