I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize