i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
