Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
