I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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