On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
and she was petting her beer can
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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