How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I'm gonna fight the coyote
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
