He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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