A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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