On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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