Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Randomize
