Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I love you.
Bad choice
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
