I think I am morally bankrupt
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
