with your own penis?
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
