Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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