I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
