This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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