please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Randomize
