just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
