It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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