Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
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