I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
