i don't really know how much tequila is too much
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
