Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
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