In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
