Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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