We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
