You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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