Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
