you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
