I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
