Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
