you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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