this just has baby written all over it
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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