I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
