How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Randomize
