Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize