My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
